Monday, February 24, 2014

Life Changes via Text Message

Part 3 of the search for my biological mother begins...
In case you're just tuning in, check out Part 1 & Part 2 before reading this.

So...
It's been one week.
Exactly.

How can I even begin to write this?


Last Monday, February 17th will forever be etched on my heart.

Because... you see... that's the day I talked to HER!

I got the email from my case worker with HER name.
With HER contact information.

What did I do with that?

Well, I tried to go through the proper channels and contact my social worker so she could set up a time for me to call HER, but I tried calling three times and couldn't get through. I had waited 29 years. I couldn't wait anymore. So I did what any millennial would do...
That's right. I texted her...



Can you feel the nervous anticipation in the above picture? There is my first message to her, and the little bubble with (...) means SHE is typing a message to me! Can you imagine how breathless that wait was? Soon I would have answers. Soon I would again feel the connection again.

Now before you judge me for texting her- let me explain...
I knew she was probably at work, and I got a little impatient. I wanted to connect with her before I went to bed, but didn't want her to get a call from me at work!! No, no no!

So I texted her.

We chatted for about 30 mins via text and set the time for me to make THE CALL. We made it for 7:35 am Korea time since she (being in the US) would be getting off work.

I think I got about an hour of sleep that night. My alarm went off and I jolted wide awake and out of bed- totally not normal behavior for me.  I took my pillow, blanket and computer to my yoga room and laid down on the floor. I took a few deep breaths and tried to pull myself together. I opened Skype and typed in HER number with unsteady fingers. Why was it taking so long to input an 11 digit number!?

Me, being the obsessive person that I am, turned on the voice memo app on my iPhone to record our first  convo.  I wanted to remember everything- every single breath and every tear. Then... I hit the "Call" button. This is what happened...

video


What a totally Earth shaking experience. Her voice was so lovely, and so familiar. We talked and cried together... it really was a beautiful thing. We were on the phone for about 3.5 hours!

She told me about her life. She told me about my full biological sister that was born a year after me... She told me that my sister knew about me... She told me that when they would say prayers every night they would pray for me and send me their love. She told me that my sister would kiss her baby doll and say "Goodnight sister" to me. She told me... that... my sister succumbed to cancer when she was only 6 years old...

Now, I had known this since the previous week- the case worker told me. I have cried and grieved for ever since I found out. For my beautiful little sister Jessica... and for HER too.

We talked about my life growing up and my adoptive family. We talked about a whole other LARGE  family that I have that I never knew about- aunts, uncles, cousins, a grandmother. I also have a half brother and half sister from my father!!  They don't all know about me yet, but are slowly finding out. My parents are no longer together and have been divorced for some time but they are getting together tomorrow to discuss all of this and going to tell my grandmother that I exist. She's the one I wrote about before that is from Colombia! Can you imagine her utter shock!?

Since our conversation over the phone we have been texting non-stop! We've sent lots of photos to each other, but I don't feel like I should put recent photos on here to protect her privacy... this situation is still relatively new for everyone. But I will once everything is settled down a bit.

HER in the early 90's! Love the hair, love the red, love everything!


Me with the blonde afro I've had for basically all of my life and my sister Mollie.
The time difference does pose a bit of a challenge... we both haven't been getting much sleep... but I can honestly say that this week has been the most emotional and most happy week of my entire life. I feel like I am walking on rainbows wherever I go. I feel like I walk taller and more confidently on the Earth since I know my roots. Even my curly hair and the fact that I tend to find it impossible to be on time to places doesn't bother me as much now because now I know those things come from her.

It's such an interesting situation I am in. I feel like we should be "strangers"... we just only met a week ago. But I feel like I have always known her. In so many ways she understands me better than I've been understood before. This is in part because we share so many personality traits. It's really surreal to be understood so well by a person you have just met. It all comes natural. There is nothing forced.

As with so many things in my life, this whole journey has been blessed and put into place by a higher power. Example: The agency actually had been trying to get a hold of HER by phone, but they kept leaving very vague messages on her machine. She wasn't sure exactly who they were and was  skeptical to call them back. Then, they wrote her a letter. The letter... was dated.. the anniversary of my sister Jessica's death. *the signs*

The timing has also been impeccable. We are leaving Korea for good in one week. We will be doing a road trip through the entire US from California to West Virginia. It's been planned for months that we will be driving through all the southern states... where she just so happens to live.




We have no set timeline and nowhere pressing to be this time. Usually on vacation we have to hurry back to work. But since we are moving to Ecuador soon and starting our own business, we can be flexible with our schedule. There is plenty of time for me to meet her without any constraints!

I never imagined that a single phone call could give me so much.
I have this amazing person that gave me the gift of life. She loved me so much that she did the hardest thing a woman can do to give me a better life.  She is so loving and so open to me. She is so considerate and kind. In addition to this most precious gift I have also gained or rather, discovered, all of these other people in her family that love me too. It truly is like discovering buried treasure.

I have about 3 weeks until I can meet her and give her that long awaited hug! How am I going to wait!? I'm actually really super nervous about it if I am honest. My stomach goes in knots just thinking about it!


My life is about to get a whole lot different.

So many new horizons ahead. I need to just stay focused on those horizons. If I start to look back at the past, I rob myself of both the present and the future. I can't do that... I've come so far!

Thank you so much for all of your calls, texts, and messages. It's been so wonderful to be surrounded by such love. I believe that all the prayer and positive energy being sent to this situation has gone so far to help on so many levels.

Aside from learning about the true power of love and what it can do, I have learned to
never live your life wondering...

FIND OUT!
Knowing and abiding in the truth is always better that hiding in fear and denial.

Step out in hope~

Live your life
The Empowered Way




A Word To Adoptive Parents:
I know I have friends out there that recently have adopted babies. It might be hard for you to read my 3 most recent posts. I get that. But please, let your child know where they came from. Be honest and open with them. Giving adopted children a stable and loving home is simply not enough. They need to have time to grieve for the loss of their biological family. Yes- even if they were infants when they were adopted. Please read the book "The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child" by Nancy Newton Verrier and understand what is going on inside of them, you simply have no idea.

55 comments:

  1. Well Meg, I read all of this and I am unbelievably happy for you. It's funny, I have thought about this day for the last three years hoping it would happen for you. Your life is about to change dramatically, but it is for the good. Eddie and I love you more than you can ever imagine and are very proud of what you have accomplished. We want your life to be the very best it can be. Although it is not the same, reading the part about your little sister brought tears to my eyes again even though you had told me about it when we talked. Her life may have been short, but left its impact on a lot of people, especially you--even me--it has really touched something inside of me and it has stayed on my mind a lot. I can only imagine how it hit you. Still, I believe people are sent here to play a certain part and then they return when their mission is complete. You will always have her in your heart and she is part of you. I believe she might even be guiding you. Anyway, we will see you soon. Love you, Mamacita

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    Replies
    1. What a beautiful message, Mamacita- it made me teary. I am so lucky to have the Rushbrook family in my life. You guys have taught me so much about love and about family. Thank you so much for your support and your prayers. I love you very much and cannot wait for our trip!!!! <3 <3 <3

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    2. Me too! What a beautiful message. You do have a way with words don't you? But then again, that comes with the territory. I believe the message in this post will be a really big help for others in similar situations and the part addressed to adoptive mothers is really important as well. So excited to meet your mom, and family! Love you so much, and I am so happy for you Meg!

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    3. Meg
      You will be fine with your mom! I have known her all of my life and she will never ever make you feel anything but loved--she got that from her own mother and father. My own husband always marveled at their relationship and how they always worked together as a team with unconditional love for each other. I'm hoping we can meet one day soon.

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    4. What a beautiful thing to say, Therese! Thank you!!! <3

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    5. I actually enjoyed your post. The way you delivered your view/opinion, was very insightful. Your contribution to this community will be very fruitful to us.
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  2. I am also adopted. I grew up thinking my real mom was my sister. I found out about the adoption when I was 17. I tried to get in contact with her, but she didn't talk to me for years. But, when she did finally decide to talk to me, it was so wonderful. We talked for At least 2 hours every single day. Unfortunately, she decided to stop talking to me one day. It hurt me so badly and it still does. I miss her so much. I hope that your relationship with your mom lasts forever. I am so happy that you found her.

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    Replies
    1. Oh Crystal.. I am so sorry to hear that. I would be lying if I said that that hasn't crossed my mind that something similar could happen to me. I can only imagine how hard it is to go through that.

      I know it's risky and I'm putting my heart on the line, but I will take whatever amount of time I have with her- be it 30 minutes or 30 years. Please know that your birthmother's actions have NOTHING to do with YOU. They are more than likely motivated out of fear or guilt that she is holding. Just keep loving her and yourself. In some situations it seems that love is the only course of action... even if it's painful.

      I love talking to fellow adoptees... no one else quite understands us like we understand each other. I am sending my love and heart to you, wish I could give you a big hug! <3 Thank you for your comment.

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  3. This is all incredible, amazing, surprising....EVERYTHING!! I cannot imagine all of the emotions you have been going through. As I have always said, you have so much love and support surrounding you. All of your posts have truly been touching. What an inspiring message you have given us all! Thank you for sharing the photos as well as the Skype bit. Hearing HER voice and hearing YOUR voice together is fascinating. Seeing HER photo and seeing YOUR photo together...also fascinating! I cannot believe it! Everything that Mamacita said in her comment...I completely agree! Great post, Meg!!

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    Replies
    1. Meg, thank you. You are so lovely. You've been just as excited and nervous about all of this as I have. I'm so lucky to have such a person as you in my life. I totally agree with what you said about hearing our voices and seeing our photos together. Amazing! *Muah* Love you! <3

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  4. I am Meg's biological mother!!!!!!!!! I am proud and honored to say this! This has been a surreal week. The decision that I made 29 years ago was one that was not entered into lightly. I loved her enough, that my hope was for her to be able to have a better life than I was able to provide. I always prayed for her and never stopped loving her! I celebrated her birth with her and 28 of her birthdays WITHOUT her! My hope is to be able to celebrate at least 29 more birthdays WITH her!!! This had truly been the start for my soul to heal! Meg has such a large, extended family and will be loved greatly by all! I can not believe I will see her again in a few short weeks.

    To the adoptees that are reading this, please know the decision that your parent(s) made the best decision they could. You are loved!!!

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    Replies
    1. Wow~ I can't believe that you are in my life and commenting on my blog! How incredible this 1 week, 1 day and 19 minutes has been!

      As so many of my friends over the years can attest- I have always felt your love and have openly talked about my desire to find you "some day". I had no idea that day would be February 17th, 2014. I feel so incredibly lucky at the prospect of all the years we have ahead of us! <3

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  5. Im proud of you Jenny!!

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  6. Megan I want you to know how proud of you I am and the remarkable strength you have. We all look forward to your fabulous journey with your new family... YOU WILL BE LOVED BY ALL OF US. Im so happy you will have fresh and wonderful start. You are one lucky DAUGHTER! :)... Your mom loves you dearly :)

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    1. Wow- Thank you so much, Kathy! Thank you for sharing in our happiness. I have waited so so very long for this, it's so wonderful that I finally have it! I feel incredibly lucky. <3

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  7. This is so moving. I don't know what to write, Meg. I'm just beyond happy for you.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Magda!!! Thank you so so much! <3 <3

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  8. Dear Meg, I am a friend of your bio mom. I had the absolute privilege of hearing about you and this incredible journey Thursday at dinner. I am so happy for both of you. God is so good! In only a few weeks, you have already unlocked new doors that have led you into rooms overflowing with a vast and rich beauty of who you are. Such a treasure! Most of us go through life under appreciating such a gift. Embrace it with every fiber of your being. Your mom is a beautiful person inside and out. I knew her when we were kids and attended school and Church together but have only recently gotten to know her again. Your hopes for a loving bio mom won't be disappointed. You are the answer to so many of her prayers on so many levels. From the eloquence of your blog, she will be that for you too. Enjoy every minute of it. God bless you, sweetie.

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  9. Thank you for sharing your momentous journey! My sister found me after 44 years. So the history of your biological sister especially touched me. My tears are flowing with yours. My best buddy who was with me through my journey is your "favorite Aunt Rosie". Congratulations and God Bless your new path! Mischele








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