In case you're just tuning in, check out Part 1 & Part 2 before reading this.
It's been one week.
How can I even begin to write this?
Last Monday, February 17th will forever be etched on my heart.
Because... you see... that's the day I talked to HER!
I got the email from my case worker with HER name.
With HER contact information.
What did I do with that?
Well, I tried to go through the proper channels and contact my social worker so she could set up a time for me to call HER, but I tried calling three times and couldn't get through. I had waited 29 years. I couldn't wait anymore. So I did what any millennial would do...
That's right. I texted her...
Can you feel the nervous anticipation in the above picture? There is my first message to her, and the little bubble with (...) means SHE is typing a message to me! Can you imagine how breathless that wait was? Soon I would have answers. Soon I would again feel the connection again.
Now before you judge me for texting her- let me explain...
I knew she was probably at work, and I got a little impatient. I wanted to connect with her before I went to bed, but didn't want her to get a call from me at work!! No, no no!
So I texted her.
We chatted for about 30 mins via text and set the time for me to make THE CALL. We made it for 7:35 am Korea time since she (being in the US) would be getting off work.
I think I got about an hour of sleep that night. My alarm went off and I jolted wide awake and out of bed- totally not normal behavior for me. I took my pillow, blanket and computer to my yoga room and laid down on the floor. I took a few deep breaths and tried to pull myself together. I opened Skype and typed in HER number with unsteady fingers. Why was it taking so long to input an 11 digit number!?
Me, being the obsessive person that I am, turned on the voice memo app on my iPhone to record our first convo. I wanted to remember everything- every single breath and every tear. Then... I hit the "Call" button. This is what happened...
What a totally Earth shaking experience. Her voice was so lovely, and so familiar. We talked and cried together... it really was a beautiful thing. We were on the phone for about 3.5 hours!
She told me about her life. She told me about my full biological sister that was born a year after me... She told me that my sister knew about me... She told me that when they would say prayers every night they would pray for me and send me their love. She told me that my sister would kiss her baby doll and say "Goodnight sister" to me. She told me... that... my sister succumbed to cancer when she was only 6 years old...
Now, I had known this since the previous week- the case worker told me. I have cried and grieved for ever since I found out. For my beautiful little sister Jessica... and for HER too.
We talked about my life growing up and my adoptive family. We talked about a whole other LARGE family that I have that I never knew about- aunts, uncles, cousins, a grandmother. I also have a half brother and half sister from my father!! They don't all know about me yet, but are slowly finding out. My parents are no longer together and have been divorced for some time but they are getting together tomorrow to discuss all of this and going to tell my grandmother that I exist. She's the one I wrote about before that is from Colombia! Can you imagine her utter shock!?
Since our conversation over the phone we have been texting non-stop! We've sent lots of photos to each other, but I don't feel like I should put recent photos on here to protect her privacy... this situation is still relatively new for everyone. But I will once everything is settled down a bit.
|HER in the early 90's! Love the hair, love the red, love everything!|
|Me with the blonde afro I've had for basically all of my life and my sister Mollie.|
It's such an interesting situation I am in. I feel like we should be "strangers"... we just only met a week ago. But I feel like I have always known her. In so many ways she understands me better than I've been understood before. This is in part because we share so many personality traits. It's really surreal to be understood so well by a person you have just met. It all comes natural. There is nothing forced.
As with so many things in my life, this whole journey has been blessed and put into place by a higher power. Example: The agency actually had been trying to get a hold of HER by phone, but they kept leaving very vague messages on her machine. She wasn't sure exactly who they were and was skeptical to call them back. Then, they wrote her a letter. The letter... was dated.. the anniversary of my sister Jessica's death. *the signs*
The timing has also been impeccable. We are leaving Korea for good in one week. We will be doing a road trip through the entire US from California to West Virginia. It's been planned for months that we will be driving through all the southern states... where she just so happens to live.
I never imagined that a single phone call could give me so much.
I have this amazing person that gave me the gift of life. She loved me so much that she did the hardest thing a woman can do to give me a better life. She is so loving and so open to me. She is so considerate and kind. In addition to this most precious gift I have also gained or rather, discovered, all of these other people in her family that love me too. It truly is like discovering buried treasure.
I have about 3 weeks until I can meet her and give her that long awaited hug! How am I going to wait!? I'm actually really super nervous about it if I am honest. My stomach goes in knots just thinking about it!
My life is about to get a whole lot different.
So many new horizons ahead. I need to just stay focused on those horizons. If I start to look back at the past, I rob myself of both the present and the future. I can't do that... I've come so far!
Thank you so much for all of your calls, texts, and messages. It's been so wonderful to be surrounded by such love. I believe that all the prayer and positive energy being sent to this situation has gone so far to help on so many levels.
Aside from learning about the true power of love and what it can do, I have learned to
never live your life wondering...
Knowing and abiding in the truth is always better that hiding in fear and denial.
Step out in hope~
Live your life
The Empowered Way
A Word To Adoptive Parents:
I know I have friends out there that recently have adopted babies. It might be hard for you to read my 3 most recent posts. I get that. But please, let your child know where they came from. Be honest and open with them. Giving adopted children a stable and loving home is simply not enough. They need to have time to grieve for the loss of their biological family. Yes- even if they were infants when they were adopted. Please read the book "The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child" by Nancy Newton Verrier and understand what is going on inside of them, you simply have no idea.